happy anniversary.

a year in the big apple.  :)

WHEW. I MADE IT!

one year in New York was definitely not a walk in the park. it's one tough hell of a year! aside from the completely new environment and culture i had to adjust and get used to, i had to go through my own personal battles at the same time.

i must say that 2011 is definitely my make and break year.

MAKE. because i'm living my dream. i'm in the most exciting city in the whole world. i feel like i'm Alice in metropolitan wonderland! i've been to places i've only seen in movies or read in books when i was still that dreamy twenty-something girl. YES, New York was my dream. i remember i used to imagine myself walking on the streets of Manhattan in a cute summer dress, kick-ass heels and oversized sunnies, with a Starbucks coffee on one hand and a posh bag on the other. i never thought i'd make it here. not until one hot, humid day in August 2010 when i got a message from my friend saying he wanted to refer me to his company. and the rest was history.

BREAK. because of a lot more reasons. without going into so much detail, let's just say that this is the year that changed the course of my life - in a very BIG way. i lost a few special people. i came to terms with my deepest fears. i made the most, if not difficult, life-altering decisions.... and most of all, i broke a couple of hearts -- including my own.

my life was turned into a totally different ball game. totally different rules. totally different players. i became a stranger in my own life. it's a continuous paradigm shift that i'm still figuring out. i feel like i'm in a maze and i just don't know WHERE to go to. everything i believed in and everything i thought i HAD just went down the drain. JUST. LIKE. THAT. suddenly, i'm back to square one - clueless and scared.

yes, friends comforted me, said words i wanted to hear, walked with me and held my hand as i went on my journey (and i am forever grateful!). but when i turned off the lights and lay on my bed, every single suppressed emotion haunted me and stabbed me to the core.

but i've come to realize that life is designed that way. you can never have everything at your whim. and you're always given a choice. and i chose to be happy. a friend once told me that "you can never go wrong if you choose to be happy because choosing to be happy is always, always the right decision."

MOVING ON. one of my girlfriends jokingly remarked that she couldn't wait for my sidebar title to change from "the queen has moved in" to "the queen has moved ON".  haha. well, i'm getting there... it was too much to take in in a year but i'm proud i made it somehow. i guess it's really true that you'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.

thank you New York for bringing the best and the strongest in me. as the famous Jay-Z song goes,  "since i made it here i can make it anywhere..." and i couldn't agree more!! :)