wickedly Wicked.

for the past five days i've been literally hooked to the songs of Wicked. i've seen the broadway musical last summer and i just fell in love with it! there's no better feeling in the world than being in love and giddy and inspired - and Wicked did just that to me. ♥

one (over) night in the office, my "emo" genes hit me again and there's no perfect song i could think of to match my ka-emohan but Defying Gravity. so i listened to it on my phone and belted my best falsetto. can you imagine me hitting these high notes - "kiss me goodbyeeeee i'm defyyyyyiiiing gravity..."??  probably NOT. i figured i must have sounded ridiculous cos i saw my co-worker cracking up. :)

seriously, though, i just realized that i've been following (always) by the rules. i was never that black sheep every family had. i've always been that goody-goody girl who was afraid to break the rules, who was afraid to disappoint her parents. well, i must say i've had my share of a few minor black sheep moments but they were different and done with good reason. but i was never that rebellious kid who cut classes or smoked pot in the backyard or pierced her tongue or hung out with shady kids. i was never like that, although i confess i cut classes once to watch the Chicago Bulls in the playoffs (haha). don't get me wrong- it's not that i wish i were that rebellious kid. but you know things are not going so well in my life right now that these stupid thoughts just hit me- like i did everything the right way but how come my life still kinda sucks now? i know, i know this is beyond stupid. the second i thought about it i knew it was absurd. but i know some people who, in their younger years, made "mistakes" which turned into beautiful mistakes and they're really happy now and having the time of their lives. so, just saying...

next track is I'm not that Girl -"don't wish. don't start. wishing only wounds the heart. i wasn't born for the rose and pearl. there's a girl i know, he loves her so. i'm not that girl." - oh the classic story of unrequited love. :( at some point in our lives, we've all been through this. we've all felt that painful feeling of longing for someone whose heart belongs to someone else. ahhhh i can still remember how i was crushing this guy in high school (who was crushing on one of the popular girls). it was my first heartbreak. i spent hours and hours writing about him in my journal. we all get crazy like that in high school. we thought we were in love, but we weren't really. it was just good ol' puppy love. but it's fun reminiscing those giddy, awkward years.


final track is For Good - i love this song to bits! ♥ it's the only song i listen to all day and night - in the subway, in the office, even in the bathroom; and it's my lullaby every single night for the past five days. i never get tired of it. and it makes me teary-eyed every time. i think this is the perfect message to all the important people who came into and out of our lives. i really believe in these lines:

"i've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason 
bringing something we must learn. 
and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them 
and we help them in return. 
well, i don't know if i believe that's true. 
but i know i'm who i am today because i knew you.
it well may be that we will  never meet again in this lifetime.
so let me say before we part so much of me is made from what i learned from you
you'll be with me like a handprint on my heart.
and now whatever way our stories end
i know you have re-written mine by being my friend..."

this song is a constant reminder to me that people are brought into my life for a purpose. i may not figure out exactly what that purpose is but i believe they are all God-sent to either teach me a lesson or help me appreciate my blessings or even just to make me smile after a long, crappy day.

and while it's true that people come and go in our lives, no matter how difficult it is to let them go, i know now that i shouldn't think of it in a negative way. instead, i should cherish each moment i have with the people i care for. make each moment count. and hopefully, somehow, i can make a difference in their lives. i really do hope so.  :)

happiness is...

a handwritten note
an afternoon at the beach
playing with and talking to my nephews, Yuri and Yell
a cup of taho
reading a quirky Sophie Kinsella book
a snow globe
a package slip in the mailbox
the scent and feel of a book (be it old or new)
a good night text
a bouquet of pink roses
feeling the wind touch my face
a bicycle ride with my brother
driving along the peninsula of St. Kitts
my dad's adobo
my mom's macaroons
witnessing a beautiful sunset at the beach
a baby's laugh
the fresh scent of new sheets
opening Christmas presents
a weekend at my grandparents' house
Yell's first encounter with a real cow
singing my heart out in karaoke
a good conversation over coffee
a slice of creamy cassava cake
listening to my mom's stories of her trips
people-watching at airports
reading my old journals
a reunion with old friends
watching fireworks!
having my picture taken with Mickey Mouse
a Shake Shack burger and strawberry shake
autumn in Central Park
putting up and decorating a Christmas tree
traveling and discovering a new place
anything with polka dots! (haha)
staying in bed on lazy Sundays
spending my birthday at the beach (like we've always done when i was still young)

random thought on a tuesday.

random thought: why do we always reminisce our childhood?

i was walking on my way home tonight and random childhood memories came flashing in my mind - jumping and dancing in the rain in my pink umbrella, weekends at the beach, my brother teaching me how to ride a bike... - oh the best times of my life! :)

my earliest childhood memory was patiently waiting in the front yard with my brother for my mom to come home from her weekend trip in the city. i remember my perennial pasalubong requests were a big pack of Chippy and jelly ace --- so simple yet they meant the WORLD to me.

my first encounter with guilt was breaking my mom's glass pitcher. i remember i was so frightened i didn't know how and what to tell her. my brother helped me put away the pieces of broken glass. we managed to "clean" the mess. but i was still guilty. i ended up telling her anyway. and she wasn't even mad. :)

the idea of marriage first came to me when i was five years old. i remember one rainy night when my dad was answering the call of nature in the loo, i knocked hard on the door and screamed that i wanted to get married!! i figured i must have gotten that from listening to too much radio programs with our house-help. i wish i had a camera to capture the look on his face! that moment earned me the spot as his most "protected" child. haha.

when my brother finished grade school, he had to move to the city and lived with my aunt. finally, i was an ONLY child!! *grin* finally, i had my parents wrapped around my little finger! NAH, not really. my mom was a bit of a tightwad - i remember i once caused a scene at the mall because she wouldn't buy me that pretty barbie doll. my dad was the spoiler, though. but there was always a price to every wish he granted - either pulling his gray hair, giving him a back walk massage (yes! literally walking on his back barefoot!), or tagging along with him to his office so he can introduce me to his co-workers -- all of these i despised so much as a child that i hardly asked any favors from my dad. :(

summers were heaven to me. no school, just pure fun! i was usually left at home with our house-help and i got to watch all of my favorite TV shows. and i've always looked forward to my big brother's homecoming. but my brother was always the sociable one and there were a few summers when he didn't come home and went out camping and enrolled in summer school. but the best summers were those when he was home. i looked up to my brother, even up to now. whatever he said, i follow -- and i still kinda do up to now. he would plan activities for the day - like cooking (just him of course), i remember he would always spice something up like putting whatnots in an ordinary omelet or putting anchovies in pancakes and champorado. haha. he would create a story or a movie and my dolls were the characters in it - he even named all of my dolls (see photo below for the proof! he tagged my dolls on facebook. haha.)!

he would tell me bedtime stories, not the fairy tale kinds, but made-up funny stories and i would laugh myself to sleep. my brother was (and is) the sweetest! :) he tried his best to teach me how to ride a bike but he failed. i remember all the other kids in the neighborhood learned how to ride using our bike but ironically, i didn't. i guess i was just really scared that i wouldn't let my brother let go and let me ride on my own. i was contented being his passenger. :)

but my brother and i didn't always get along, like any other siblings. one time, he made me cry and recorded the entire crying episode. yes, half an hour recording of me crying and whining. haha. i think we still have the tape back home. we listened to it a few years ago and couldn't stop laughing. seriously i was so maarte i wanted to slap myself. i was such a crybaby! haha.

another instance i will never forget was when my brother punched me in the stomach. we were watching TV one night and were fighting over which show to watch. i couldn't remember what i did that made my brother punch me. the blow was so hard that i couldn't speak for a while, literally no sound came out of my mouth - my brother panicked and called my mom. my mom was furious! but this i can still vividly remember - my brother said this while crying, "kung mamatay siya, magpakamatay na lang sad ko... (if she dies, i might as well die too)". this happened when he was still in grade school and i was in kindergarten. awww.... :)

this was my typical my-brother-pissed-me-off look captured on camera! classic! :)

there are still a lot of good memories i'd like to share but i'm never going to finish this post. to sum it all up, i think most of us will agree that our childhood years are indeed the golden years of our lives.

why do we always reminisce our childhood??

i think because it's one of those few times when we were genuinely happy. when heaven was just a pack of Chippy. when guilt was just breaking a glass pitcher. when happiness didn't cost a thing.