my grown-up new year's list.

i've never been a believer of New Year's resolutions. i've always thought that they're pointless since people are bound to break them anyway at some point. but this year i'm creating my very first list just because 2012 is a "new" New Year for me. it's about time to make new traditions. so good luck to me!

*drum roll please*....


1. smile more and always greet our doormen (including the weird one).
it's no joke answering phones, opening doors, accepting and sorting out packages by apartment. they deserve a little more respect and a little more smile.

2. whine less.
the recent tragedy that typhoon Sendong brought to Pinas put into perspective all the superficial things i've been worrying and complaining about. the world has much bigger problems. the world needs prayers, not whines.

3. stop procrastinating. 
i function best with deadlines. i aced passed exams by cramming. i have this badass attitude of "i don't have to work today cos i can finish it tomorrow anyway". i'm that bad. this year, i hope i can put an end to this and be as efficient and busy as a bee.

4. save for travel.
i want to go to at least one place i've never been to this year. every time i see a gorgeous dress online, i will think a hundred times. i will think of all the clothes i've only worn once or twice in my closet. i will think of how the money for that dress can contribute to my travel fund. i will save for Greece or Paris this year!

5. learn to cook.
in my circle, i'm famous for my kitchen fiascos -- from pancakes from hell to extremely well done SPAM. a friend told me that it's not cool for a woman to NOT know how to cook. so i want to learn at least one authentic Filipino dish this year -- be it mechado, caldereta, sinigang or perhaps just perfect my already divine adobo. :)

6. read again.
i realized i've been too caught up with the world wide web that a significant amount of my time is wasted on nonsense stuff. i need something to enrich my mind, not my eyes. i still have a few books on my wait list -- read as, in my bookshelf waiting for me. i really hope that this year i can revive my penchant for reading.

7. don't waste time.
time is gold. cliche as it may sound, but i learned this the hard, hard way. i want to say the things i want to say the moment i want to say them. i won't wait for the moment to pass me by. not anymore. i will dance like there's no tomorrow and sing my heart out like there's nobody listening.

8. take that risk.
i tend to shy away from things outside my comfort zone. this year marks a new beginning, a new me. i want to try at least one great adventure, one great risk. be it bungee jumping, that scary roller coaster ride at Six Flags, or sky diving in Vegas (eeep!), or just get myself out there - date a guy totally wrong for me, get crazy at a bar, just get crazy for once! it's time to seize the day!

9. talk less.
i'm guilty of washing dirty, i wouldn't say linen, hankies perhaps (?) in public. or let's just say, i reveal too much emotion in facebook and twitter (how tacky! haha). my metaphors and riddles have become so predictable that people i hardly know, know exactly what's happening in my life. i have become a Kris Aquino. and i'm not proud of it.

10. have a little faith.
the recent events in my life have made me a non-believer of a lot of things. i want to bring back that faith. i want to bring back my idea of a happy ending. i want to bring back the old me.

*fin*

waiting.

we are all waiting for some miracle that will change our lives in one way or another. we are waiting for the brainwashed idea of "happily ever after". we are dreaming of our prince charming who will sweep us off our feet and take us to his castle. we are all waiting for something...

i thought i had it. i thought i was living my "happily ever after". i thought i met my prince charming who didn't just sweep me off my feet, but put me in a pedestal. but somehow in a bizarre twist of fate, i found out that my "happily ever after" was really just a fantasy and that i would never be good enough for my prince charming.

we are all waiting for something....

as for me, i am waiting for the rest of my life to happen...

happy anniversary.

a year in the big apple.  :)

WHEW. I MADE IT!

one year in New York was definitely not a walk in the park. it's one tough hell of a year! aside from the completely new environment and culture i had to adjust and get used to, i had to go through my own personal battles at the same time.

i must say that 2011 is definitely my make and break year.

MAKE. because i'm living my dream. i'm in the most exciting city in the whole world. i feel like i'm Alice in metropolitan wonderland! i've been to places i've only seen in movies or read in books when i was still that dreamy twenty-something girl. YES, New York was my dream. i remember i used to imagine myself walking on the streets of Manhattan in a cute summer dress, kick-ass heels and oversized sunnies, with a Starbucks coffee on one hand and a posh bag on the other. i never thought i'd make it here. not until one hot, humid day in August 2010 when i got a message from my friend saying he wanted to refer me to his company. and the rest was history.

BREAK. because of a lot more reasons. without going into so much detail, let's just say that this is the year that changed the course of my life - in a very BIG way. i lost a few special people. i came to terms with my deepest fears. i made the most, if not difficult, life-altering decisions.... and most of all, i broke a couple of hearts -- including my own.

my life was turned into a totally different ball game. totally different rules. totally different players. i became a stranger in my own life. it's a continuous paradigm shift that i'm still figuring out. i feel like i'm in a maze and i just don't know WHERE to go to. everything i believed in and everything i thought i HAD just went down the drain. JUST. LIKE. THAT. suddenly, i'm back to square one - clueless and scared.

yes, friends comforted me, said words i wanted to hear, walked with me and held my hand as i went on my journey (and i am forever grateful!). but when i turned off the lights and lay on my bed, every single suppressed emotion haunted me and stabbed me to the core.

but i've come to realize that life is designed that way. you can never have everything at your whim. and you're always given a choice. and i chose to be happy. a friend once told me that "you can never go wrong if you choose to be happy because choosing to be happy is always, always the right decision."

MOVING ON. one of my girlfriends jokingly remarked that she couldn't wait for my sidebar title to change from "the queen has moved in" to "the queen has moved ON".  haha. well, i'm getting there... it was too much to take in in a year but i'm proud i made it somehow. i guess it's really true that you'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.

thank you New York for bringing the best and the strongest in me. as the famous Jay-Z song goes,  "since i made it here i can make it anywhere..." and i couldn't agree more!! :)